I never thought that when I became a mother, that my life would change so drastically. Sure, I knew that I would have to make some adjustments to accommodate a little baby but I never would have believed it could change who I was. For instance, I never thought that I would succumb to pre-natal and post-partum depression with my second child. I was so devastated for feeling so disconnected from the world, especially from my husband and two children. Everyday was a struggle sometimes to even get out of bed and look forward to the day. Before I had children, I never understood why women would feel this way if they have a beautiful baby to care for and love. That was me and many other people who have misconceptions of what post-partum depression is really about.
In addition, it affected my ability to care for myself which made me even further depressed. I couldn't exercise or cook properly. I was 30lbs. heavier than my normal weight and I didn't have the will to lose it. I had defined myself ever since I was little as an athlete who loved to be physically active everyday. To go from this to someone who couldn't bare to put on her runners, it felt like I was a different person. At times I would hate myself for being this way, especially when it had been my profession as an exercise therapist to help others get in shape. However, there was another battle that caused great ill to my body.
A few months after the birth of my third child, I started to feel really sick. I had a host of many unrelated symptoms such as hypothyroid, IBS, muscle weakness, extreme fatigue, and many others. After going to a variety of doctors and tests (all normal) over 2 months, none of them could diagnose what was wrong with me. I then decided to see a naturopath who diagnosed me as having a overgrowth of Candida that was affecting my body in a variety of ways. After being put on an anti-Candida diet, taking a variety of herbs and homeopathic remedies, I started to feel so much better. To further my progress, I recently decided to eat strictly vegan, as well as gluten-free and little to no sugar in my diet. Along with this and back to my running workouts, my weight is back to normal and feel great! I also feel better than I have for a very long time, even before having kids. I do not experience any depressive symptoms anymore, which makes me very happy, and I feel more present with my children and husband.
My decision to go vegan as well as other restrictions is based on the fact that my health this year (and past) had taken a turn for the worse, and I needed to make a drastic choice to get myself back to the women and mother I know I am. There are some days that I wish I could eat normal food like everyone else, but I know that my mental and physical health is more important to me that a piece of dessert. The best part is that I am able to run again!! I am grateful for every morning that I get to be with my kids. I enjoy the simpler activities a bit more such as reading a book or magazine, or taking care of my plants. And it has brought me back to my roots as a fitness coach! I really missed helping others who needed assistance with their fitness and wellness goals. But now having gone through what I have gone through, I feel more attuned to helping others who may have experience similar struggles.
My picture above was taken today before my early morning run because I had felt so proud of myself in that moment. It had taken me a while to get to this place where running was a joy. I felt that I had finally found my way back to myself!
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